KBTV

KBTV::Experiential Journalism

I hate barbeques so much. I also despise “long-weekends” – particularly “Memorial Day,” “Labor Day,” and “The 4th of July.” Much to my irritation, these two annoying concepts often morph into one.

Yuk. BBQs. Sweaty, sweltering, forced socializing. Mushy-bacteria-ridden guacamole rotting in the sun, soggy chips in onion dip that looks like discharge from a dead man’s ear, Heineken Lite in cans that slurping bankers dotingly dub “Heinies,” shrieking children nearly splitting their heads open on concrete corners of in-ground pools, and always some poor soul – “the neighbor from across the street” – lounging in a tattered lawn chair in the shade by himself. Undoubtedly, he has just lost his job. For some reason, I always end up with the out-of-work neighbor making painfully obvious suggestions in an attempt to fit in – to blend. (“Have you checked out Monster.com?”)

Happily for the hostess, and much to my chagrin, this year was different. I found no one whom I could unleash my customary dose of Memorial-Day-Weekend-BBQ wrath. Instead, I found myself having a wonderful conversation with Ned the neighbor who told me in great detail how he’d been on his own now for nearly 27 years. Together we decided he might buy a computer in order to have pictures of his great-grandsons – who live in Detroit – sent to him over the e-mail. Just as I began to extol the benefits of AOL 9.0 for the elderly, I saw the golden retriever. He was hovering next to a picnic table. I focused my eyes to witness his long pink tongue slobber all over a freshly-grilled platter of Hebrew Nationals. That was it. I had to go.

I quickly extended my apologies, condolences and best wishes to Ned and headed for the gate. As I turned the corner of the house, I saw a beat-up yellow, tan and black striped pick-up truck. Upon closer inspection, the motor vehicle became an object d’art of sorts, a giant Bee Hive – “WillieTheBeeMan – Removal Services” – emblazoned in orange on the door.

“Are you Willy?” I asked an amused, refined African American man with a gigantic brown suede glove on his left arm, extending past his elbow.

“I am,” he replied. “And who are you?”

“Hi, I’m Kate.”

We immediately bonded over hating Barbeques. Finally I just came out with it. “I’m a video blogger and I was wondering if I could accompany you for one of your more dramatic Bee Removal House Calls?”

He shrugged. “I think I can get you a pretty nice-sized hive.”

I got his card, jumped in my new “pre-owned” BMW and zoomed off. I got it! The first story in what will be a multi-part series of what I’ll call the KBTV Experiential Episodes.

To be continued…











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posted by INSIDE FAU @ 5:17 AM