KBTV

KBTV::The First Shoot

Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up with a bursting bladder and, upon reflection, had clearly forgotten I was in my “new” home – the townhouse, KBTV Headquarters. Hmm. That’s right; I’d moved … yesterday.

Clearly believing I was in my old habitat, I popped out of bed and toddled over to what used to be the bathroom in my “old” house. Light switch “on.” Why was I standing in a walk-in closet? Oops. That’s right. I’m in the “new” house. Light switch “off.”

Now desperate, I pushed on, zigzagging through stacked packing boxes – at one point landing on a wire hairbrush – finally locating the “new” loo. After a quick pit stop, I forged back into the packing-box maze, winding my way back to where I thought the “new” bed was. Then I stumbled, fell and lay pinned between a mirror and a box of shoes. I closed my eyes and lay perfectly still. Suddenly, all was right with the world. I felt peace.

Two hours later, I awoke to my Blackberry singing Beethoven’s “Fur Elise,” wedged between my reflection and umpteen pairs of so-last-season Jimmy Choos. It was 5:30 a.m.

* * * * *

Four hours later, Barry and I are sitting in the office plotting our shooting schedule for the day. I pop downstairs to grab another Peach Fresca.

“Why are you limping?” he asks.

I elucidate my nighttime adventures to and from the loo, detailing “old” loo and “new” loo issues/confusion. Barry nods his head sympathetically, slumps down a little in his chair and swivels around to face KBTV’s up-to-the-minute 30-inch flat screen attached to a MacBookPro. He leans forward, squints at the desktop icons, and grabs the mouse.

“Why didn’t you just turn on the light?”

* * * * *

We’ve decided to shoot the “Neuticals” piece on the intracoastal up by the “old” house. We walk down to the water. Barry sets up the camera on the tripod and disappears behind the lens. I tip-toe down the hill toward a dock about to collapse due to yet-to-be-fixed-Hurricane-Wilma damage. I gingerly step over the school bus yellow “caution” tape with “DO NOT STEP ON DOCK” printed in big, black, block letters. The wooden planks creak. I think it adds charm and ambience; Barry thinks it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Ok. Ready. Deep breathe. Big smile. Barry gives me the hand signal:

I’m Kate Bohner for KBTV. Neuticles – EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT – testicular implants for dogs that look and feel like the real thing – CAHUNAS … but … in all seriousness … canine experts are touting the wonderful psychological boost dog’s self-esteem by replacing what was lost after being neutered. One dog enthusiast told The New York Daily News that she and husband decided to give the gift of neuticals to their 8-year old bull mastiff. (Barry please insert picture)



His name is Truman. Isn’t he cute?
Neuticles were introduced in 1995 by an inventor from Missouri named Glenn Miller. Though it took several years for veterinarians to accept the product, Miller claims more than 230,000 pets in 49 countries have been “Neuticled” at 17,000 clinics. The procedure is performed mostly on dogs, but owners have had it done for cats, bulls, horses, monkeys — even an elephant.

CUT!

And NO (!), I don’t rattle off large parts of scripts in one take. Can we just say that there was a time – very early on – when Barry called me “One Take Kate.” Although, that was when we hadn’t written copy that went further than: “Hello, I’m Kate Bohner for KBTV … Thanks for joining …”

At that point, Barry was still just fiddling with the lighting.

To be continued …

posted by INSIDE FAU @ 7:33 PM