KBTV

Watercooler Diaries::The EPK

One of the minions at one of the million subsidiaries of one of the Biggie Entertainment companies out in Burbank, California e-mailed me through the site asking for a “press kit.”

My first thought was: Not again! Ug, I thought. Oh no! It’s her again!

You see I’m being cyber stalked by this crazy woman who accuses me of everything from stealing The North Face white mid-weight, water-repellent rain gear to failing to adhere to varying definitions of corporate governance. I don’t even own any stock — let alone sit on any corporate boards or mull over issues surrounding fiduciary responsibility.

I e-mailed Miss Entertainment Company Agent back. I asked her if she could be more specific, pretending that I had lots and lots of press kits but I needed to know exactly what she had in mind.

It turned out it wasn’t Crazy Cyberstalker Obsessed Woman at all. A nice young gal called me back, yes, from an 818 area code. She sounded fer’eal.

I didn’t think I had a press kit. “Barry, do I have a press kit?” Barry swiveled around in his chair. “Why?” He mumbled.

I explained the whole situation and that I was certain it was indeed fer’real girl and not Cyber Girl. Barry shook his head. I didn’t have a press kit, he insisted.

Maybe, I thought, this was God’s way of telling me to put one together.

“Let’s do an EPK,” Barry said spinning back toward the window. He started swivel his mouse on the YouTube/Google-branded mouse pad. He looked particularly dwarfed by the Mac flat screens today.

He starts nibbling on the earpiece of his glasses.

“What’s an EPK?” I sounded like a brat today. Barry smiled that cameraman-I-live-to-torture-talent smirk. “Trust me.”

The next thing I know he’s rearranging The Studio (read living room), pushing around lights, plumping up the purple sofa, rearranging vases — all with the keen eye of a war-torn photographer. I head back upstairs and continue tapping away at my scripts. He then shouts for me to come downstairs. “Sit.”

“No way!” There was no way I was going to shoot with no makeup, no hair, no clothes — no way!

“Just sit.” Forty-five minutes later I had answered two distinct questions: “Who is Kate Bohner?” and “Why did you decide to do KBTV?” — both questions, four different times, from four unusual angles.

“Am I done?” I added in my best petulant tone. Barry grinned that Cheshire Cat smile. “Yep.”

Twelve hours later he tapped me on the shoulder. “Take a look at this,” he said.

posted by INSIDE FAU @ 12:55 AM