KBTV

Watch Out Perfectionists for New Year's Resolutions!

So...have you prepared your list of New Year’s Resolutions? Would you actually like me to share with you the success rate for these resolutions of hope, sobriety, wealth and skinniness? It’s low – really low – according to the likes of Dr. Phil and Oprah. Less than 10%.

Hey we all want to take off those last 10 pounds, quit smoking, join a gym, and be better friends and lovers. Many of us put way too much pressure on ourselves – myself included. And this is good. We should hold ourselves to a high standard – right? Well, how high is TOO high?

Several recent studies stand as a warning against taking the platitudes of achievement too seriously. The new research focuses on a familiar type – yes, perfectionists – who tip over or blow a fuse when things don’t turn out just so.

According to The New York Times, the findings not only confirm that these perfectionist types are often at risk for mental distress — as Freud, Alder and others have predicted — but also suggest that perfectionism is a valuable lens through which to understand a variety of seemingly unrelated mental difficulties, from depression to compulsive behavior to addiction.

According to the experts cited in The Times, perfectionists can be divided into three types. I believe I fall into the first category; self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression. That would be me! Next are the perfectionists who are outwardly focused zealots expecting perfection from others. Often they ruin relationships – we all know those types. Finally there are those desperate to live up to an ideal they’re convinced others expect of them. These perfectionists have a notable risk factor for suicidal thinking and eating disorders.

Unlike people who are given psychiatric labels such as manic-depressive, bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, etc., perfectionists neither battle the stigma of a label nor consider themselves to be dysfunctional. Alice Provost, an employee assistance counselor at the University of California, Davis recently ran group therapy sessions for staff members struggling with perfectionist impulses. To her surprise she said that the people in the sessions were actually proud of it. Proud of their perfectionism!

Provost also emphasizes that American culture puts such a high gloss on being perfect – exhibited by how we love to intermittently revere and demonize celebrities such as Brittney Spears. We gleefully watch the Brittney of Diet Pepsi fame soar to the most popular songstress ever to having a social worker accompany her on supervised visits with her children and go in and out of rehab. This whip-saw voyeurism made more popular by snarky blogs such as Gawker and the rack of old-fashioned tabloids like the National Enquirer. It all turns the heat up on a culture – our culture, American culture – creating a world of perfectionism run amok.

Consider a recent study by psychologists at the Curtin University of Technology. The researchers asked 252 participants to fill out questionnaires rating their level of agreement with 16 statements like “I think of myself as either in control or out of control” and “I either get on very well with people or not at all.”

The more strongly participants in the study thought in this either-or fashion, the more likely they were to display the kind of extreme perfectionism that can lead to mental health distress. The conclusion being that falling short somehow suggests a kind of mediocrity that increasing permeates how they view nearly EVERYTHING in their lives.

This is why Provost warns that perfectionists often display symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, for instance, does your iPhone, blackberry and razor phone ALWAYS have to be fully charged? Mine do. Another risk for perfectionists? They simply cannot bear a messy desk. For me, it’s my whiteboard.

According to Provost it's nearly impossible to leave a job half-done, to do the next day. Some put in ludicrously long hours redoing tasks, chasing an ideal only they could see.

So … getting back to those New Year’s Resolutions, perhaps we should ask of ourselves the more internal or psychological or spiritual changes in ourselves in 2008. A list that begins with something as simple as spontaneity and living in the moment. Reaching out to someone less fortunate at least once a day. Making a conscious effort to not tell white lies. Taking personal responsibility and apologizing when we’re wrong. Being more authentic in our relationships or just simply living a more honest life. Yes, an authentic, transparent, AUTHENTIC life.

posted by Jason Parsley @ 6:40 AM